The Cosmo-Girls

The following is a conversation between two best friends/roommates Claire and Tasha.

Claire: “Honey, I’m home! Mmm…yello? Tash…?”

Tasha: “Yah…in here…”

Claire: “Oh hey, whatchya doing in bed at six, babe? Facebook stalking your ex again? I thought you had a gentleman caller coming over? I announced my visit just so that I don’t catch you and your lover in flagrante. Again!”

Tasha: “Very funny. It happened just once and you won’t shut up about it!”

Claire: “Oh sweetie, it’s gonna be in my toast at your wedding!”

Tasha: “Ugh! We cancelled our plans…well he did!”

Claire: “Oh? Is that why you’re making that face?”

Tasha: “What face? I don’t make a face!”

Claire: “Umm…yeah you do. When something bugs you, you always have this weird grimace on your face. It makes you look like you are desperately trying to hold poop in while waiting in a long line at Starbucks.”

Tasha: “That’s weirdly specific and I make no such face!”

Claire: “Yes, you do. I’m gonna make tea…you want a cuppa?”

Tasha: “Yass!”

Claire: “So what’s bothering you?”

Tasha: “I don’t know. Maybe its Mike… He did say he feels like we are moving too fast and he got burnt in his last relationship so this time he wants to…”

Claire: “Take things nice and slow?”

Tasha: “Yeah”

Claire: “Weird how this enlightenment only came to him after “living in sin” for weeks!”

Tasha: “Hence the grimace and could you stop talking like that?”

Claire: “What? Just a couple of days ago, Mr. I-love-Jesus-more-than-the-Pope was all over you and now he suddenly wants to take it slow. Do you know what he said when he found out I was an atheist? “God loves all his children, even the ones who are ignorant and naïve.” That Patronizing bastard! I never knew why you were into him in the first place!”

Tasha: “Because he was an attractive distraction from a life riddled with inscrutable problems!”

Claire: “Woah! Where did that come from?”

Tasha: “Ugh… I am sorry.”

Claire: “No, no. There’s more to that. C’mon, talk to me. It’s been a while since we have both found time to just chill and hang out. I know I have missed a lot that’s been going on in your life, what with our completely different work schedules. So tell me.”

Tasha: “It’s nothing… No big deal.”

Claire: “Tash, sweetie, don’t make me go through the whole song and dance on the effects of a good heart-to-heart on your skin! C’mon. Mamma needs to clear a couple of black heads on her nose. So talk!”

Tasha: “Haha…you and your bogus theories on skincare!”

Claire: “Not according to the sage words of Cosmopolitan!”

Tasha: “Uh…why do you read that trashy magazine?”

Claire (*with a huge gasp*): “You take that back, missy. Right this moment! I’ll have you know that it’s the best magazine to read while you poop!”

Tasha (Laughing loudly): “You’re so weird! How did you come to that conclusion, hmm?”

Claire: “Because after a lot of trial and error ranging from my peer reviewed journals of Zoology to Vogue to Reader’s Digest, I found out that it’s Cosmopolitan whose reading material creates the perfect symphony with my morning motions.”

Tasha: “What the…”

Claire (cuts in): “It’s not too risqué and neither too intellectually stimulating to divert the attention from the primary deed…”

Tasha: “Lalalala… I don’t wanna hear no more! You are nasty!”

Claire: “Hehehe…Now quit your stalling and blurt it out. What’s going on with you?”

Tasha: “Okay, then we’ll need a lot of comfort food than this weak-ass tea thing you’ve got going here.”

Claire: “Weak-ass? Weak-ass! You did not just call my… okay yeah, it was pretty weak-ass and I can do with some cheesy cheese burgers and Chinese and maybe ice cream for dessert?”

Tasha: “Haha…Now you’re talking! Let’s order in and I’ll tell you all about my tale of woe.”

Claire (rolls her eyes dramatically): “You mean Tale of Woe-mance!”

Tasha (laughing): “Make the call already!”


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